Day 1 Letters are letters written by clients to their younger selves on their very first day of recovery. Share in their wisdom and knowledge gained.

If you are on Day 1 of your recovery, embrace the hope for a brighter future. These letters are posted with client approval and have been anonymized.

“Dear Self,

It’s September of 2022 and you’re not sure you want to see your 61st birthday.  You’ve been obsessed about ways to end your life, convinced that no one would care and that this is the only way you could resolve the hole you’ve dug for yourself over the last 48 years.

You don’t realize that all the “hard work” that you do to keep going is due to a lifetime of abandonment and isolation. Your overwhelming desire to be perfect and lie about it, so people will think you’re worthy, is unnecessary. The truth is, so many people love and care about you and want you to be happy.

You’ve spent your life trying to find ways to numb / avoid / drink away the pain – when the last therapist 18 years ago said just stop porn and acting out, you tried (unsuccessfully in the long term) for years by isolating and overworking. You were successful earlier in life just quitting alcohol, why not porn. It did not work – your rage was building until it exploded when your paranoia and anger kept you isolated in your office for almost 3 years.

After you reached out to the 1st therapist, you will spend the next 7 months trying to stop but still deceiving and denying until you are outed. That (being outed) will be the most painful and in retrospect wonderful experience you’ve had in your life.

All your life you’ve had a love/hate relationship with being alone. Being discovered will result in you leaving your family for 6 weeks - living in a hotel - and realizing that they are the most important thing in the world to you.

You will find a trio of amazing therapists that will dig – upset – hurt – educate and give you the tools to live.

You will learn that self-medicating with porn/acting out or working all the time were just ways to avoid dealing with the life you were given at a young age.

No one should be “taking care of themselves” from age 13 on. The people in your life left you. The connections you made disappointed and left you too. Porn wasn’t your only friend from age 13 forward, it was just a way to avoid the feelings.

Keep getting help and using your tools to be grounded and to become a self-expert in your feelings.

The love of your family will lift you up, motivate you and yes…scare you… and also let you know YOU GOT THIS.”