Your partner cheated on you, lied to you, and violated you and your relationship contract right up until the moment they were caught.

Now, they’re begging you to believe them… but can you?

(Read about Partner Betrayal Trauma here & see a list of recommended books here)

Everyone in our society has been guilty of lying or deceiving another person at some point in their lives since these behaviors are so pervasive in our culture. The term "trickle truth" describes the progressive disclosure of information that was first concealed, most of the time as a result of a lie. The idea relates to the gradual exposure of information that was initially hidden. This phenomenon has significant repercussions for individuals as well as for businesses, particularly with regard to compulsive sexual behavior.

It’s Difficult to Maintain a Lie

According to findings from studies on lying and deception, it is frequently difficult for individuals to keep a constant false story that they are telling. This challenge is caused by a number of different reasons, including the mental load that people carry and stress. When people are under a lot of pressure or have too much information to keep track of, they are more likely to forget parts of the lie or give more information than they planned to reveal. This happens both when they are under stress and when they have too much information.

Increased Comfort with Lying Perpetuates More Lying

People may have a greater tolerance for lying with the passage of time, which may also result in the incremental disclosure of an increasing amount of information. Habituation and desensitization are two psychological processes that are responsible for the improvement in comfort that has been seen. As people become more accustomed to lying, they may experience fewer feelings of guilt or shame, which may lead to an increase in the likelihood that they will reveal additional information.

Habituation is the process of becoming acclimated to a specific stimulus or action over a period of time, leading to a decrease in response to that stimulus. This process is referred to as "becoming accustomed." When it comes to lying, habituation can take place when individuals lie on a consistent basis, which leads to a gradual reduction in the level of worry or discomfort that is associated with lying over time. Because of this reduction in pain, individuals may find it simpler to lie, as they are less likely to face negative repercussions such as stress or shame as a result of their deception.

The process of desensitization is analogous to that of habituation, but it refers to a gradual lessening of an individual's emotional reaction to a particular stimulus or behavior. Desensitization can take place in the context of lying when individuals become less empathic or less inclined to feel guilty or remorse for their lies. In other words, they become desensitized. As a result of this decrease in empathy, individuals are less likely to experience the bad emotions that are linked with dishonesty, which can make it simpler for them to lie.

In the context of lying, it is essential to keep in mind that habituation and desensitization are not always to be viewed as progress in a favorable light. It may become easier for individuals to continue engaging in dishonest behavior as a result of a reduction in the discomfort or bad feelings associated with lying. This could potentially lead to detrimental effects for the individual as well as for others.

Sources:

DePaulo, B. M., & DePaulo, J. M. (2010). Having an understanding of lies. 11(2), pages 3-18, of the journal Psychological Science in the Public Interest.

Pressure to Maintain the Lie

In addition, the continual application of pressure to keep up the deception may eventually result in the disclosure of information. This pressure can originate from a wide variety of sources, such as social pressure, psychological pressure, or legal pressure, among others. When people perceive that they are in danger or under pressure, they may unintentionally give more information than they had planned to, which can lead to the gradual disclosure of the truth.

Initial Honesty is Possible

Although the phenomenon known as "trickle truth" occurs quite frequently, it is essential to keep in mind that not everyone adheres to the aforementioned pattern. People could be able to "come clean" and confess everything all at once in certain circumstances, rather than gradually over the course of time. However, this is the one and only occurrence that deviates from the norm. When people give information gradually, rather than all at once, it makes it easier for them to sustain a false story that is consistent with what they have been saying all along. This is due to the fact that people are able to better manage their feelings of guilt, stress, and other forms of psychological pressure, which in turn makes it easier for them to sustain the lie. It is therefore essential to have an understanding that although some people might be able to admit their guilt right away, this is not always the case, and the phenomenon known as the "trickle truth" is more likely to take place.

How to Tell When Someone is Lying to You… using Science

There is no failsafe method for determining whether or not someone is lying, but research has uncovered several behavioral and physiological changes that are frequently connected with lying. However, it is essential to keep in mind that these changes and behaviors are not always an indicator of lying and that there are other possible explanations for them. Therefore, in order to make an informed judgment, it is vital to take into consideration the context as well as many signs.

Indicators based on behavior:

• Verbal cues: People who are lying may have a tendency to speak more fast or more slowly than normal, or they may use less gestures or make more frequent pauses than usual. Additionally, they may make less eye contact or more frequent pauses. They might also utilize a greater number of filler words, such as "oh" and "um."

• People who are lying may exhibit symptoms of uneasiness, such as fidgeting, touching or hiding their face, or avoiding eye contact. These are all examples of nonverbal indicators that can be used to detect deception. Alterations in their posture, facial expressions, or blink rates may also be present. Additionally, they may demonstrate increased blinking.

• Use of excessive or insufficient detail: People who lie could either supply an excessive amount of detail in an effort to appear convincing, or they might provide an inadequate amount of detail in an effort to reduce the amount of information they need to keep straight.

• Inconsistencies in the story People who are lying may have difficulty maintaining the consistency of their story, which can lead to inconsistencies in the statements they make.

• Emotional displays People who are lying may express more or less emotion than expected, depending on their level of comfort with the deception and the situation. This can be either a positive or negative indicator of the lie.

• Excessive use of explanation and justification: People who lie may feel the need to defend their actions, which can lead to excessive use of explanation and justification. Those who lie may also feel the need to justify their behavior.

• The use of these indications to draw a conclusive conclusion about someone's honesty is not recommended because they do not provide 100% accuracy. Nevertheless, they have the potential to be of use in offering information regarding the risk of dishonesty.

Physiological indicators:

• Changes in physiological indicators such as heart rate, blood pressure, and skin conductance: Research has shown that lying down can activate the body's stress response, which can lead to changes in physiological markers such as these three things.

• Pupil dilation: some study has suggested that pupil dilation may be a reliable sign of lying, with larger dilation potentially reflecting increased cognitive effort associated with lying.

It is essential to keep in mind that while these psychological and physiological cues have been shown to be connected with dishonesty, they are not 100% accurate. When people lie, they could experience varied levels of anxiousness or discomfort, and these feelings might not always translate into obvious shifts in behavior. In addition, there is the possibility that certain people are adept at concealing their dishonesty, making it more difficult to spot.

References:

DePaulo, B. M., & DePaulo, J. M. (2010). Having an understanding of lies. 11(2), pages 3-18, of the journal Psychological Science in the Public Interest.

Vrij, A. (2008). When it comes to spotting falsehoods and deception, there are both pitfalls and possibilities. John Wiley & Sons was published in Chichester, West Sussex, in the United Kingdom.

Vrij, A., & Semin, G. R. (1996). opinions held by specialists in lying with regard to nonverbal signs of dishonesty. The Journal of Basic and Applied Social Psychology, Volume 18, Issue 4, Pages 397-408

Can you trust the word of a cheating partner? Yes. No. Maybe. Their true motive and intention will be revealed in their commitment and engagement to empathizing with the betrayed partner and their work on themselves for true betterment, not easing of consequences.

Schedule a free initial consultation if you’d like to discuss further with Blair, the author.