What is Enmeshment & How to Overcome
Families come in all shapes and sizes. While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to family dynamics, there are certain patterns of behavior that can be unhealthy for a family unit. One such pattern is called enmeshment, which occurs when family members become too involved in each other’s lives. This can lead to difficulty setting boundaries and maintaining healthy relationships with other people outside of the family. Let's take a closer look at what enmeshment is, why it’s harmful, and how to overcome it in the family.
What is Enmeshment?
Enmeshment is a codependent relationship between two or more people within a family unit. It’s characterized by an excessive emotional involvement and overly close attachment between parents and their children—or between siblings—which causes difficulty establishing individual identity or independence from one another. This can happen when parents are overprotective or when they place too much emphasis on togetherness. For example, if parents are always putting pressure on their child to do things as a family instead of encouraging individual pursuits and interests, this could be considered enmeshed behavior. The following behaviors may indicate that someone is living in an enmeshed family:
• Having difficulty setting personal boundaries or saying “no”
• Having difficulty making decisions without input from other family members
• Making decisions based on what will make others happy rather than what will make you happy
• Focusing on pleasing others instead of advocating for yourself
• Not knowing how to express your feelings or thoughts without being judged by those around you
• Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions or reactions
• Placing your needs below those of others in the family unit.
Enmeshment can also manifest in ways that are less obvious but equally as damaging. For example, parents might practice helicopter parenting in which they strive to control every aspect of their children’s lives from academics to extracurricular activities in order to ensure success. While well-intentioned, this behavior can be stifling and lead to feelings of resentment from the child later on in life.
Why is Enmeshment Harmful?
Enmeshed families often struggle with boundary issues because they lack healthy separation between the individuals within the family unit. This means that individuals may struggle to assert themselves or set boundaries within relationships both inside of their family as well as outside of their family (e.g., with friends). Additionally, enmeshed families may also struggle with communication because they may be so used to being involved in each other’s lives that it becomes difficult for them to have meaningful conversations about topics that aren't related to each other directly (e.g., discussing current events or politics).
How To Overcome Enmeshment In The Family
The first step towards overcoming enmeshment in your family is to recognize the signs that indicate you have an unhealthy level of closeness with your loved ones. If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable setting boundaries or sharing opinions that differ from those of your relatives, then this could be an indication that you need to work on establishing healthier boundaries within your familial relationships. Once you've identified these issues, talk with your loved ones about how you'd like things to change moving forward; focus on creating behaviors and dynamics that promote healthy communication and self-autonomy amongst all parties involved. Finally, make sure everyone has time apart from each other so they can pursue individual interests without feeling obligated or pressured into doing things together as a group all the time; this will help encourage all members of your family unit to become independent individuals who can exist comfortably both inside and outside of their immediate circle of influence.
Enmeshment can be an unhealthy dynamic for families if left unchecked; however, by being aware of the warning signs (e.g., difficulty setting boundaries) and engaging in open dialogue about desired changes, families can work together to establish healthier patterns of behavior that promote autonomy while still maintaining strong familial bonds at the same time. Overcoming enmeshment starts by recognizing where it exists within your own relationships and then having honest conversations about desired changes moving forward; this will ensure everyone has their own space while still coming together as an overall unit when necessary! With patience and understanding on both sides, any family can overcome enmeshment over time!