Are You in Control?

Or are you being controlled? This exercise will help you answer that question.

Step 1: Write down each of your five primary emotions that cause difficulty for you. Use the feelings wheel to the right. What emotions do you experience most in your average day the create frustration, cravings, and irritability for you?

Step 2: Below each emotion, write down what you believe to be the primary driver of each emotion.

Example: If anger is a primary problematic emotion, then ask yourself what makes you angry. Resentment toward your partner? Is your boss taking credit for your work?

Step 3: Now, with your top five primary problematic emotions and the suspected drivers for each emotion listed, go ahead and break out a sharpie and circle the drivers that are EXTERNAL. By external, ask yourself whether these items are within your control, or within yourself.

Step 4: Add up the total number of drivers you’ve listed. Now, calculate what percentage of them are internal, and within your control.

If your external drivers are greater than 50% of your total drivers, it may explain why it is that you feel out of control at times… it is because you are out of control. You are being driven by external forces and need to begin examining how you could possibly lessen external drivers and expand internal drivers.

Step 5: Consider how you could move any of these extrinsic variables (outside of your control) to intrinsic (within your control). This is a difficult step, however, the ‘juice is worth the squeeze’ so don’t be afraid of the brain power required here. Many people have trouble with this step, but that’s normal, take your time, sit in it, and chew on it.