Infidelity recovery is centered around processing grief - the death of what was believed to be - rather than needing to reestablish trust.
The revelation of an extramarital affair may be a devastating blow to any relationship. A marriage or partnership that has been rocked by infidelity has had its trust severely damaged. Partner betrayal is upsetting and may leave one feeling alone, bewildered, and saddened.
It's true that finding out about an affair may be devastating and traumatic, but healing is possible. A divorce or breakup is not always the only option for a troubled partnership. They risk falling into a vicious cycle of hatred and bitterness if they don't break out of this rut.
If both spouses are committed to working through their issues and growing as people, couples counseling may be a powerful tool for bringing about good change. In order to restore trust, the cheating spouse must cut all ties with the other person. Together, we can find our way to a loving, fulfilling, and happy partnership.
Famous relationship experts John and Julie Gottman, PhD, provide significant evidence-based study on how couples may heal after betrayal and infidelity using their proprietary models. By helping partners work through their emotions and gain insight into one other, you may strengthen relationships by illuminating the complex dance between the relationship's pursuer and withdrawer.
If you're on the fence about whether or not to stay in your relationship, ambivalence exploration might help you weigh the pros and cons. Those who are ready to put in the work to reconnect, mend, rebuild trust, heal, create appropriate boundaries, and enhance their relationship might benefit from couples counseling.
What Exactly is Cheating?
What constitutes infidelity in a partnership or marriage might vary greatly depending on the context. Cybersex and pornographic content may be seen as adultery by one spouse while the other partner does not. An emotional affair may be seen as innocuous by others, leading them to start focusing their attention elsewhere. Although some people may perceive any kind of extramarital sexual activity as a serious breach of trust, others may not consider an emotional affair to be as serious as cheating on a spouse.
Studies show that the vast majority of persons believe monogamy to be the norm in love partnerships and marriage. On the other hand, there are a variety of factors that lead to stepping out of a committed relationship, including extramarital encounters. Physical and emotional closeness, as well as shared goals and interests, are necessary ingredients in a happy, healthy relationship.
Affair motivation may look like this:
Seeking validation
Transactional intimacy desired due to lack of vulnerability
Backdoor breakup attempt
Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder
Avoidance
Depression
Entitlement
Having an Extramarital Relationship
A sexual affair is a sexual encounter between two people that neither of them tells their partners about. Once one person leaves the committed relationship or marriage, the norms of physical exclusivity and other commitments made between the couple break. Outside of a committed partnership, such as a marriage, one partner engages in an extramarital sexual affair based only on physical attraction. In most cases, the duration of a sexual affair motivated only by passion and desire is no more than six months. However, there have been affairs that have remained covert for years. Most affairs of the body, sexual or otherwise, fail to maintain their initial intensity without some kind of emotional connection and eventually fizzle out. When one spouse in a marriage betrays the other by engaging in sexual activity with someone else, the betrayed partner often experiences feelings of severe betrayal, loss, devastation, and trauma.
Conjugal Object
When one partner becomes preoccupied with anything other than their spouse, the marriage suffers. This becomes more important than the individual's spouse, and as a result, they alter their schedules and devote more time to it. "The Golf Widow" is a situation in which one spouse is abandoned for extended periods of time while the other spends weekends golfing with friends at the expense of the main relationship. People might develop a pathological preoccupation with their jobs, devoting so much time to it that they neglect their personal relationships and the people closest to them at home. Intimacy in a marriage and the relationship suffers when one partner spends an inordinate amount of time, money, and effort on a hobby or other interest.
Affair of the Cybersex Kind
Cybersex, often known as online adultery, is a major problem on the Internet since it often leads to a romantic and sexual relationship between two people who have never met in person. The use of pornography, live chat rooms, email, and sexting may all lead to cyber flirtation and, ultimately, sexual experiences with a stranger. The Internet's and sexuality's magnetic pull is strong, but it also reinforces the negative effects of a committed relationship or marriage. Infidelity of this kind often takes place in secret and may go from an affair conducted over the internet to one conducted in person. When one becomes preoccupied with cybersex to the exclusion of their spouse, the closeness and trust in their relationship deteriorate. Cybersex is often an indicator of emotional distress, sexual obsession, or dissatisfaction.
The Passionate Relationship
As soon as one partner develops feelings for someone other than their spouse, problems might begin. It might start off as a kind gesture but wind up posing a significant danger to the partnership. It's detrimental to their relationship since they start spending time with someone of the other gender. This person may spend a great deal of time away from their spouse in order to flirt, talk on the phone, and use social media, all while trying to conceal their connection. Personal details about the couple's romantic history and unflattering comparisons to other couples may be revealed. In the same way that it is difficult and terrible to recover from a physical, sexual affair, so too is emotional betrayal.
Consequences of Cheating on a Partner
When one spouse in a partnership or marriage has an affair, it may have a wide range of negative repercussions on their mental health and well-being.
Symptoms:
Shame
Anger
Distress
Anxiety
Sleep problems
Overeating/Undereating
An Extreme Case of Exercise Addiction
Reduced productivity at work
Risk-taking behavior
Higher Rates of Alcohol and Drug Abuse
Subpar Feelings of Value and Confidence in Oneself
It is crucial for the betrayed spouse to recover, mourn, and grieve the loss of the relationship after experiencing infidelity. Healing, recovery, and growth in the area of trust restoration may be achieved.