Is Abstinence Good or Bad For You?

Summary and Thoughts Regarding the Feb. 2, 2024 NPR Article titled: “Masturbation abstinence is popular online. Doctors and therapists are worried.”

NPR discusses online communities dedicated to masturbation abstinence have become increasingly well-known. They are closely associated with the larger "manosphere," a network that disseminates the notion that feminism and contemporary social changes pose a threat to men's status. These communities have grown around the practice of not masturbating as a way to improve oneself and combat the perceived overuse of pornography in society. It started as an experiment among Reddit users, led by individuals who have declined to comment on media requests for more information about such initiatives, these individuals also founded NoFap.com and created terms like "NoFap" and "Fapstronaut," has placed this movement within the broader conversation about masculinity and the effects of internet pornography.

The movement receives intellectual support from individuals such as Gary Wilson, who has made significant contributions to these communities with his claims regarding the negative effects of pornography on mental health, despite not having a formal background in medicine or psychology. His claims that watching pornography changes the way the brain reacts to sexual stimuli have been widely accepted and hotly debated, which reflects the nuanced conversation surrounding the addiction to pornography. This discussion goes beyond the NoFap movement since significant media outlets have covered the phenomenon without necessarily offering a fair analysis that takes into account opinions from the scientific and medical communities.

People in the NoFap community have a range of experiences, which illustrates different perspectives on masturbation and pornography. Some, like Tim, say the movement has saved their relationships and made a positive impact on their lives, while others, like Derrick, talk about the cycles of guilt and frustration they've experienced after failing to abstain. In the middle of larger discussions about pornography's place in society, these accounts highlight the intimate and frequently complicated relationship that many people have with it. The movement's detractors frequently point out that many of the claims made by its supporters lack scientific support, and that stigmatizing normal sexual behavior may cause psychological harm.

Lastly, the piece discusses the darker undertones that exist within the NoFap community, such as misogyny and ties to radical ideologies. Even though the movement has distanced itself from these associations in official statements, the existence of hateful and disparaging remarks in these forums raises questions about the paths that lead from self-improvement to more harmful and polarizing ideologies. NPR states that this relationship raises the possibility that the rhetoric and content of online abstinence communities need to be critically examined, even though it does not necessarily reflect the opinions of all participants. The movement's wider ramifications emphasize the intricate interactions among personal views, social dynamics, and societal trends in the digital age, particularly in light of the decline in sex education and the growth of social media as information sources.

My Thoughts on The Issue…

I believe what is of paramount importance is that each individual works to determine what “healthy” looks like for themselves. Shame, Core Beliefs, Parental Modeling, and Attachment Style are just a few phenomena that can play significant roles in subconsciously shaping one’s behavior without any metacognitive awareness as to why. Before anyone begins dissecting whether one approach is preferred to another, or whether one outcome is “good” or “right,” I would propose that the most important question is whether or not the individual can clearly define what is “healthy” for themselves, how they intend on measuring that, how they will know once they have achieved their desired status and lastly, how will they be alerted if things start going off the rails and redirection is required before it’s too late.

Without clarity on these items, I would propose one is virtue signaling, manifesting trauma response or engaging in what they feel they “should” be doing but may have difficulty answering the questions above.

Either way, I believe that once an individual can define what is healthy for them, then any path is a good path as every path will have to be altered, shaped, formed and entirely created… and that’s where the magic happens. That’s where new worlds are discovered, that’s where new skills are developed, etc.

If you’re trying to understand your own porn addiction, sex addiction or infidelity, first work to define clearly what is “healthy” for yourself, how you intend on measuring that, how you will know once they have achieved your desired status, and lastly, how will you be alerted if things start going off the rails and redirection is required before it’s too late. Your place of origin - starting line - is far less important than where you finish.

Lastly, I would add a further warning against superlatives, or broadbrush and individuals or groups with one single label. Within every community, and often within every individual, we find a full spectrum and array of feelings and emotions, insights and experiences. Think about who you were when you were 20 years old and then think about who you are as you are reading this blog post today… You have certainly changed and shifted, and shaped and re-shaped time and time again, and I would propose that most of that reshaping was unintentional and possibly even unaware. So if an individual is shifting over time, it is fair to say that even one single individual is not constant, they are changing all the time. So we expand this logic to a community of individuals, I would propose that it is unwise to label haphazardly in any direction. And understanding of individuals, and by extension and understanding of communities more broadly, requires nuance. Nuance is not easy, it is not clean, it is not simple, but if we really want to understand the benefits and risks attributed to certain environments the nuances required.

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